Browsed by
Category: homeschool

I used to think

I used to think

So many times I’ve thought of starting this post and I’m sure I’ve thought of at least 100 better titles than just what you are getting today. As I  spend days upon days, weeks, months THREE plus YEARS of not feeling like ME, not feeling enough, better, healthy, rested, organized enough, fast enough, strong enough I inevitably end up more often than not in tears, struggling with my thoughts, angry at not feeling enough, and simultaneously grateful for everything I do feel that I am in a place that I know there is more, that we need to BELIEVE, HOPE, WISH, DREAM that we can find that place and then one day it happened. I began to PRAY. To have conversations with Jesus, to listen. Then one day that wasn’t enough anymore I had to do.

How did this happen? God if I know (LITERALLY, pun intended). One day I was living my semi comfortable life, the next day I was on a magnificent roller coaster that has been designed by something so much bigger than me and managed by at the time a 7 year old boy calling the shots. I can think of no less than 3 of my friends who are going to discount this post already and think I’m a complete idiot for backtracking, for changing my mind, for talking about God and it is those people who have stopped me from writing this post or similar ones for over a year now. I’m not saying you have to believe, or not believe, or follow my path or believe that its true but just as I don’t argue your beliefs or lack of I’d appreciate the same courtesy.

My children were not raised in the church, or even with discussions of God, I don’t even know if until last year my 3 youngest knew the reasons behind Christmas or Easter or even Hanukkah or Passover for that matter they were just things we did, like birthdays or Halloween or Thanksgiving. I avoided any curriculum with any mention or glancing or hint of religion especially Christianity.  I know there have been people on Facebook & social media who I have Unfollowed over the years because of all their “God Talk” and I promise to keep that to a minimum also because even as I am moved I think its also a personal and private relationship. I think that is a lot of what turned me off as well as the people who bash each other over religion, and how their version is the only right version. I think Queen Elizabeth had it right when she said there is but one God the rest is all trifles only I think it needs to be amended to be there is only one LOVE because I don’t care if you do things because of God, Allah, G-d, Mickey Mouse, Batman, Humanity I think we should all just DO things, LOVE people, BE kind, not judge, not argue, because what makes any of us best or least of all?

One day last October Jesus ruined my life as I knew it and you know what I’m pretty happy about it most days. Out of the blue Rory asked if we could go to church, I was totally blindsided I just looked at him and said yes. I found a Catholic church not far from home checked out the times and made plans. Sunday Morning came and that kid went and got dressed it was just the two of us I honestly figured it would be a one time thing an hour out of my life, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Something spoke to my kids heart at mass that day. He couldn’t wait to go back. The following Sunday it was me & him and another surprise was Finn wanted to come too. Rory asked if we could talk to the priest afterwards like he had seen others doing. Sure kid, let’s do it. Rory marched right up to him and asked if they could pray together, my kid who had in his life to my knowledge never prayed, and only been to church TWICE including the this actual time. Then before he could stand Rory put his hands on his shoulders and blessed him I don’t know the words I honestly was answering a question from Finn, I was told that whatever Rory said was something that the priest himself hadn’t learned until he was at Seminary. How do you respond to that? I had no words I still don’t. I wish I had taken better notes in those early months as to the way my kid went from being my child to my leader. There are moments that greatly stand out that I have shared with my close personal friends. There are jokes about us calling him Jesus Rory, I know if I wasn’t watching it unfold first hand I wouldn’t believe any of it. And for the record NO I do NOT think my kid is Jesus, I just know that I have learned more about Jesus FROM him in the past year than all the years of my life before INCLUDING all the time “studying” for my own Confirmation.

I used to think and the media of late hasn’t helped at all that most Christians were judgmental jerks, who lived by a do as I say not as I do practice. Sadly that still holds true all to often but today I have learned that more christians are ever day people who just want to live in a better world, who believe there is more, that there is hope for our broken world. I am one of those people. I try my hardest to DO not just say. I think we should help where we can. I am glad to be the mother of a boy who tells me every single day how much he loves me and then follows it up with but, I love Jesus more. I am glad that my long haired boy planned his Halloween costume from February to be Jesus to LOVE like Jesus. To lead his family, MY family towards a different direction because the things I’m seeing through his eyes, his love are some of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed.

There was a whole lot more I was going to say in this post, so much more I was going to share but you know what that same long haired Jesus loving boy is patiently waiting on my now to go play video games with him so I’m going to go do that with him right now because I know we can still go play World of Warcraft AND love Jesus.

Oh and I think I’ll be sharing with you how one day my kid got me to send an email to Bob Goff author of LOVE DOES so we could help out some kids and then how Rory decided he needed to DO more and we put our money where our hearts are and ENGAGED a kid from Uganda.

 

blogsig

Through his eyes.

Through his eyes.

20131018-003722.jpg

So often when I see pictures of myself I don’t see the moment of why I took that picture. I don’t enjoy it. I only see how far I still have to go on my weightloss journey. I let all those limiting beliefs creep in.

Today I stepped so far out of my comfort zone I let a 4 year old little boy pick out my outfit. I admit I was pretty scared when he opened my closet and asked that I wear something from there. You see there are clothes that don’t quite fit me they are a little snug and then there is a pair of jeans my mini goal jeans that REALLY don’t fit, though they hang there where I can’t miss them even if I’m just grabbing some yarn.

He didn’t pick anything crazy, he picked the beautiful dress I bought myself in April and never got a chance to wear. It was a little big in some places but I made it work. He handed me mascara and told me I look beautiful when I wear makeup so I pulled out my eyeshadow brushes & added a little lipgloss too. I wore my yellow sandals instead of my vibrams and he wore a button down shirt, some cargo shorts & his favorite old worn cowboy boots handed down from someone that his brothers have worn too. He grabbed his wallet full of hard earned coins from helping around the house and told me about the fun we would have on our date just the two of us.

20131018-003651.jpg

When your the youngest of six you don’t always get alone time as much as you would like, especially when for the past few years your daddy has been gone more than he is home.

My intent when we left the house was to go to the fabric store to buy more muslin because I ran out & needed more for wrapping soap. While we were there however I thought I should probably buy the bits of fabric I needed to make Elise & Owen their Christmas Stockings, and then there were a couple other fabrics calling my name. Finn asked for some monster fabric so I could make him a “real” wallet and not just the snack pouch he has been using. He was so good recommending fabrics helping me decide even when the line at the cutting table was long. He looked at our number ticket and compared it to the one on the display and told me it wasn’t our turn yet they didn’t match and asked what the words were for the number (92) so he could listen as well. There were people all around us getting annoyed but not Finn he was for this once taking it in stride listening carefully helping me decide of we needed lots or just a little of our various fabrics. 20131018-003255.jpg

We got Aidan the crotchet hook he needed as well and I didn’t even buy any yarn I’ll have you know. In the long checkout line he was great again so happy because he knew that at the end he could get a candy of his choosing anything he wanted with his own money he was so pleased. He picked sour skittles I didn’t even rain on his joy for that little bag of corn syrup & artificial color and flavor filled poison because I chose that moment to see the gift I was being given in the joy & pride on his face knowing he could pay for it with money he earned.

Driving home he told me I was pretty good and nice at the store so he would like to take me for a burger for lunch for a date. I took a deep breath wanting to say no that we were over our budget & we could eat at home but at that moment how could I say sorry mommy needs a newer truck next year instead of spending this time with you. In the long run the $27 we spent on lunch (and his dinner & later a snack for him & Rory) is much better than whatever else it would have gone towards.

He asked for the pepper place which he started actually calling chili’s while we were there. We shared my salad I enjoyed my first burger since August probably a bit too much. He told me jokes, shared dreams, told me he loved me and I looked beautiful today. He said we should take pictures on our date. We did. 20131018-003804.jpg20131018-003748.jpg

That’s when it happened. For the first time in a long time I didn’t see myself as the fat person. The person with a long journey. The person who not long ago had given up on herself. I saw myself through his eyes. I saw someone who loved. Someone happy. Someone smiling. Someone who was loved. Someone beautiful because a 4 year old boy told me it was true.

You are beautiful too. Don’t give up. I haven’t. But I do know there are many hard days ahead. I’m finding. No I’m forging my path I have little boys who deserve to see me care, to see me happy. To see the light. Please join me we can do it together because I know I can’t do it alone and you shouldn’t have to either.20131018-003826.jpg

Whole30 Progress & a Sneak Peek

Whole30 Progress & a Sneak Peek

IMG_4562Yes I’m doing Whole30 again.  No I’m not starving to death as you can see from my above salad. Yesterday I totally cheated. Little known tidbit is I have an ulcer I’ve had them off and on since child hood. I stress. It’s my superpower.

I play that darn what if game so hard in my head and sometimes when I see that to do list I see the whole darn thing in my head instead of the bits and pieces.

I see that I need to make 5 lbs of tattoo balm or almost 300 POUNDS of soap over the next 2 weeks that’s approx 800 bars of soap btw. I have about 10 lbs of lip balm to make. I still have 5 kids to homeschool oh and my husband is leaving in less than a month for a 6 week class will be home for a couple weeks and then redeployes for a few months. I have big goals this year. And sometimes my big goals are super overwhelming (like placing $$$$) supply orders.

So I have some issues.

When I have to struggle to drink my shakeology, and I’m curled up in a fetal position on the floor of my office because its cold and I’m fighting being sick and Steve asks what will make me feel better and the only thing that I want is copious amounts of tea and salt & vinegar fries. That’s exactly what happens.

Today for food I’m going off whole30 as well we are going to have baked potato soup it’s comfort food when that’s what I need. Oh and we put cauliflower in it to lessen the amount of potatoes.

believe sock

I’m not usually this bad until the 2 weeks before Christmas I applaud myself for getting it done early this year and while I have another adult around I know Lexi is grateful. I’m also hopping this makes everything less stressful. I’ve already mapped out most of my personal holidays to do list. It contains lots of crafts, lots of socks & a couple sweaters even. Not only that I’ve started on it.

one sock

I just need to remind myself of moments like this.

boys school

In the meantime I’ll also let you know that BIG things are on the horizon for this little soap company of mine! I’ve got all your fall favorites coming back, your Pumpkin Spiced Latte, Cranberry Orange, Orange Spice, Cranberry Fig, Spiced Milk with Honey and TWO more fall editions as well as a couple other soaps up my sleeve that have great possibilities to being in our everyday lineup. The rest of the new Facial Serums will be released as well as TWO new lip balm flavors in addition to all the lip balms being back in stock! I’m pretty excited even if I’m having to take time during the day to just let it all go from my head so I can stop seeing that HUGE list.

pumpkin

So get ready Friday September 13, 2013 is the FALL RELEASE DAY!!

blogsig

What is going on?

What is going on?

I had this great thought out post I had planned to share with you today, however I was finishing up so many other things I had been procrastinating and I just never got the chance to crunch the numbers for it. Maybe Friday I bet you are on the edge of your seats waiting right? Anyway I know how much you miss me so I thought I’d share a few pictures from the past month!

Elise

The Most Amazing thing that has happened in the last 30 days is I became a Grandmother! Elise Jessie was born on June 19.

IMG_3951

I knit a monster. Knitting does make me happy these days.

rory

Rory gave himself a haircut!

finn

Finn found a new favorite shirt. It gets washed a lot.

monsterDid I mention the knitting?

So what have you been doing this hot wet summer?

blogsig

I’ve been knitting, and knitting, and knitting.

I’ve been knitting, and knitting, and knitting.

I know I’ve been knitting a little here and there for a while now. In the past few months I’ve really fallen in love though. I’ve gotten good enough that I don’t have to look at my hands constantly while knitting anymore, I’m comfortable knitting flat or in the round, I’ve even added a ton of new skills like  cables, short rows and even the provisional cast on. Sorry for all the pictures (I did mention I’ve been knitting lots right) I’ve been a busy girl. Clicking on the links after the photos you can read more about the patterns and yarns used.

yarnbasket

Doesn’t this basket full of yarn make you want to knit?

finnmonster

It started back in October when I started knitting to make sure I had a jumpstart on the busy birthday/holiday season with this monster for Finn. Meet Maddox as you can see Finn loved his birthday monster.

lexihat1

Next up Lexi had requested a black cat ear hat. I was so excited to use my new stitch markers.

lexihat2

Isn’t Lexi so pretty with her ear flap cat hat?

tracyhat

When Lexi went up to Connecticut for the holidays my sister saw her hat and asked for me to make her one too. Rory modeled it for her.

I even made a striped version for my other sis (aka my little brother’s long time girlfriend Kristin) alas, I forgot to get a picture of it.

scarf

My very first cable project was a scarf for Lexi in hindsight I should have used a different yarn and my stitch markers much more because cabled rows are harder to count than I realized.

aidanhat2

Then I started to panic. Aidan was leaving in Mid November to go to Baltimore for Thanksgiving and he had no hat and I only had 2 days so I had to use whatever yarn I could find at the local craft store at 8pm after a slight mishap with his first hat being accidentally felted in the washer. This slouchy hat was perfect and super quick to knit!

mitten

From October til about 10 days into December in between all projects I had a pair of these little mittens on needles.

babyhat

A pregnant friend having a little boy needed a little baby shower gift. So onto the needles went this adorable little hat.

babyhat2

Isn’t it adorable? I still can’t get over just how small this newborn sized long tail hat is.

yarnmail

My mailbox had a happy, happy, joy, joy day when all this arrived one day.

mitten2

And, I kept knitting mittens.

gloveprogress

I started knitting Lexi a pair of gloves.

glove

I finished one cat in the hat glove. Though currently I’ve also taken it back apart because the thumb was funny on it. Its a back burner project for now.

monster I started Jack’s birthday present.

jackmonsters

Loving monsters.

jackmonster3

I love, love, love the super long arms on these monsters, and I can’t wait to get my hands on that colorway yarn again either.

mittens

finally finished the mitten advent calendar garland.

joshhat2

I started a cable rimmed hat for my little brother in the same green yarn from his scarf I made him last Christmas.

joshhat

Thankfully this cable hat it was also a pretty quick project and I will be making these for the whole family if we ever live where we need hats again.

creeper1

Cast on Rory’s creeper. If you or your kids play the game minecraft you know what a creeper is. Rory loves/hates them and its the ONLY thing he wanted for Hannukkah/Christmas so it HAD to happen. Even if that means knitting til 2am on Christmas Eve to pull it off.

creeper

And, pull it off I did. Here is Rory dancing with his Creeper.

basil

Finn requested a dinosaur vs. another monster so a dinosaur he would get. The yarn for this is even called dino-RAWR.

yarn2

Spent some time playing with my Christmas gifts, my ball winder,

yarn

and, swift.

slippers

Took a quick dinosaur break to knit myself up a quick pair of slippers because we were having a cold front and my toes were cold.

finnbasilmonster

Went back and finished Basil the Brontosaurus who loves to give Maddox rides.

softkitty

Then my girlie was coming home after a month in Connecticut and I knit her a little soft kitty as part of her Christmas gift.

softkitty2

You get a bonus picture because I think Lexi looks so beautiful in this one.

I haven’t stopped knitting I’ve been knitting a pair of socks. Socks take a long time but they will get a separate post I’ve been documenting their progress via instagram quite a bit.

Do you knit? Whats on your needles right now?

blogsig

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
%d bloggers like this: